Fighting

I hate when Heather and Rob fight, it’s stupid but it feels like when my parents used to fight I just want to fix it. I want them to get along I hate seeing them angry at each other, plus I feel stuck in the middle. I like being a happy person so when other people around me are sad I feel sad too, plus I have to tread carefully so as not to make anyone mad at me since they are already in mad mode.

The argument mainly has to do with money and how said money is spent for the new apartment. I feel like I’m in the middle because some of the big things that need to be bought are a bed and bedroom furniture for my room. I keep thinking that Heather has to be thinking in her head that if she did not have to spend money on my stupid stuff she could use it for more stuff that she wanted. I’m scared to make her feel resentful of me so I am trying to make sure to pay for the bed myself but it seems to be a sticking point. I don’t have the money for the bed right now so until I do they are going to have to pay for it then I can pay them back.

She found a bed for me today and as much as I am happy that she found it I can’t help but think that she got it out of the way because she was mad and sick of hearing about it. I don’t want to be an issue I hate that I still feel like I don’t know my place.

She could still decide “Hey I hate this I totally want this girl out of my face” and dump me to the curb. I guess I just want some sort of word from her that she has excepted this and that baring me being a huge idiot and doing something dumb (like cheat on Rob, steal money from them or any other big relationship ending thing) that I get to stay an she will not fight it.

Ug this is all I every talk about “When will she except me, I’m so scared, what will I do” Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine. So tired of this, I just want to relax no more stress please, please. I am such a dork, really a big one.