So I guess after talking to Rob about how she feels, thinks are better for Heather. Rob has also realized that he was not giving her as much attention as she needed.
This is great don’t get me wrong I am happy they worked it out but urgggg! This big deal was made out of it and now its nothing, blown a way as if it was so much dust and dirt. I guess a lot centered on me how my habits annoy her and how I don’t do enough at the house. Also how she feels that I am not truly committed to Rob since I have yet to get my divorce. I try not to be mad about these things because honestly I can be messy and even though I make excuses that I don’t have any time for the laundry I do I just have to do it when I want to be doing something else which sucks but life sucks.
But I am mad, I know I’m messy, I forget things, and I tend to put stuff off for a later time because I am scared about it or just plain lazy but how the hell does she know how I feel. I love Rob, I love him so much I gave up my marriage which even though crappy was normal to get in to a relationship where I will never feel truly safe. I have no guarantee of stability, at a moments notice she could say she can no longer handle me and in the end out I will go. Rob may decide that he can’t live with out me or he could try to fight her over it but in the end she may stick to her guns and done it will be. Then what will happen will he continue to try to see me on the side which eventual I will have to end because I can’t truthfully live like that forever. Or will it end right away and it will have to go on my own, which at this point I am ready to do if need be, I will be shattered to pieces but I will do it. I know she is sad I know she is having a hard time really I do but I do not feel like she has a right to say something like that. I have never once said to Rob that I don’t think Heather loves him and if I have said anything about her feelings for him then I am truly sorry I don’t have that right.
I love him, I will get the divorce. It’s hard and scary and when I look at it all I can see is a daunting task. But I will do it, I will pull up my boot straps and get it done. Until then I need her to give me time and to not make judgments. This is fucking hard for everyone, she is not the only one suffering, this was not what I original wanted for my life and even once I have excepted this life style this is not the way I would have wanted it either. I would love to be in a relationship with two people who both love me not just a relationship where one person loves me and the other one puts up with me. I truly feel that this is how it is with Heather she puts up with me because she has to. I love Heather she drives me nuts and things are not perfect but I truly do care about her well being, I just don’t know if she feels the same way. Did I make the right choice? Sometimes I don’t know, I think she is just doing this to keep Rob but how long will it take her to just hate it and us.
Boy this is complex. I think a lot of how she feels is being diverted in your direction.. things she can pick on, stuff she can see, instead of the frustrating 'airy' stuff. The thing is that this stuff -cannot- go through Rob, if you want this to be a communicative house and family. You and she have to talk face to face and work it out. Otherwise, all that will happen is resentment on everyone's part.
ReplyDeleteI know it doesn't give you any solace, but I think she feels just as scared with this relationship as you.. I'm not sure she feels important or safe anymore.
I hope it works out!