It has been a long time since I have gotten to have a me moment. Things have been so crazy and stressful at work and home is busy with all the stuff we do that I just don't have time. I have to drop Ellie at daycare, then work then I pick up Ellie, then I go to the Gym three times a week, do my chores once a week, take care of Ellie when I am not doing that. The weekends are full of Dagorhir practices on Saturday, and gaming on Sunday. I just want a moment to breath.
I had a dream where I was just walking in a stream, rocks where digging in to my feet and cutting them but I did not care. I felt so calm and full of the feeling of me that it did not matter the pain or cold. I feel like that is what I need in my life something to make me not care about the being tired and stressed.
Ellie is a big help everyday when I go and get her from day care, I am so excited I'm almost running to get to her room. Then she smiles at me when she sees me at the door and I just melt, it's so much of what I thought being a mom would be.
My life is not that bad I have a place to leave, a job, an amazing man who loves me and has the ability to love more, a baby that I have wanted for so long, and friends and family who really care about me. How can I want more, and yet I do. Just a breath, sometime to lean back and look at all that I have.
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