Wearing Thin

With everything that is happening with my sister and my mother it’s really making me think about my life. I worry how much time I have and where I am going. I want children desperately and up till now I have been putting off really trying but I think it’s time I start. I don’t know how long I will be able to have children PICOS makes it harder and harder for you to get pregnant the older you get. Plus I want my mother to be around when I have my children, and if this cancer turns out to be bad I don’t know how long she will be here.

I’m scared, really really scared I’m not ready to loss both my mother and twin sister. This has really made me look at myself, I’m going to sit down with Heather and Rob and tell them what I want in my life. We do not have to make all the changes now but I think it’s time that I get it out in the open so we can move in that direction. I want to have equal nights, I want to have this Commitment Ceremony, I want to have children, I want us to all be talking about our relationship every month, I want to let Rob’s family know if not Heathers so that when I have children they can be involved. I would also like to go forward with trying to go to school so that I can have an actual career and be able to make my own hours. So that hopefully when I have children I will be able to stay home with them. I want to be a stay at home mom until my children are going to kindergarten, then I’m happy to go back to work.

I think the things I am asking for are reasonable requests and if they are not then we can work it out I just need to do something. I have really been letting things stagnate and it’s time to actually make some progress. Plus some other things need to be decided as well, it has already been to long and it’s getting to be dangerous.

I’m really hoping that the counselor can help me get things straight in my head, she was very friendly and nice and seemed to be ok with me being in a poly relationship. I want to try and get my sister to go see one as well she could really use the help, things are wearing on her pretty bad.