So it’s been a long weekend and a really long time since I posted on this blog. Mainly it’s just that I have been really lazy and I find that I mainly only write when I am upset or I figure something out in my life. So this is a figure something out about my life moment.
On Saturday we had a battle for Dagorhir, it was the first one my sister has run. All together it was pretty fun, there where some raised tempers and some painful shots but other then that it was a good time. Near the end of the battle we where fighting a portal battle where two teams fight against each other to see who can hold the portals. I was on one team and Rob was on the other, the fighting was long and I was getting mad. At one point I came up against Rob and of course he killed me, without even thinking I called him an “ass” and walked away, he tried to call me back but I just left. At the end of the battle I tried to apologize but he told me that he did not want to talk to me right now he did not even want me close to him. Needless to say the rest of the day sucked I felt bad and mad at the same time, I was mad because I though he was over reacting and I was sad because I don’t like people I like mad at me.
When we got home I spent the rest of the night cleaning my room upstairs while he was downstairs hanging out with a friend of ours. Finally he came upstairs and we talked, it was hard and scary. The worst part is that I realized that I was wrong, he had all the reason in the world to be mad. I have always thought that my temper was not that bad and it truly is not but once I looked at it I can see that in it’s own way it is. I don’t get mad at everything, scream, yell, or hit anything or break anything. I store everything up and then finally explode and I usually says something with out thinking, it’s fast and gone within a second but it’s there and I can be mean.
Rob stated that he did not care that we where on the field fighting against one another, that he was still my boyfriend which means I should be respectful to him which means not calling him names. He was really not sure how he can deal with my temper the way it is, the way he spoke it made me think he wanted me to leave if I could not change.
Updated 11/21/2008
I want to post this because it was important feelings I was having at the time but I never finished, it will have to stay unfinished but that's just how it is. Things worked out fine between us, I had to come to the realization that I was not perfect and that Rob works really hard at keeping his temper which can be as bad or even worse then mine. I got mad at him when he was mean to Megan and lost his temper he has the right to want me to be better about my temper as well.
