Hurt

I am so angry, jealous and hurt. I’m trying not to be but I can feel it just seething beneath the surface. I get jealous, everyone does but normally with Heather it’s very minimal, she is Robs wife of course their going to do things. But today it just hit me and I am so….. oh I can’t even explain.

Every morning when I wake up I get ready for work and then Heather gets up and gets ready and I say good morning to Rob and then I leave. But today I get up and when I’m done in the shower no Heather, sometimes this happens she sleeps in so I go downstairs and have breakfast. When this happens Rob ends up coming downstairs at some point and saying goodbye but not this morning. This morning I sit and wait for him but he does not come, and I realize why when I listen him and Heather are having sex. Now the fact that they are having sex does not bother me, Rob and I have sex all the time at weirder times it’s the fact that he is doing it when he has not said goodbye to me. Can’t he have told Heather before they started, “let me say goodbye to Chandra and then I will come back.” Or can’t he have come told me he wanted to have sex and I would have said goodbye and left early so they could have been alone. I really don’t mind that they have sex even when I am in the house it only seems right to me but it hurts that he did not say goodbye, he always says goodbye, always.

I’m really hurt right now and I don’t think I can be objective, I know I am blowing this out of proportion but it just hurts. I have never felt so hurt by him, he is always so good with me and about our relationship and the intricacy of it. I’m just shaking right now and I just want to cry. I know that when I get home he will be nice to me and I will be all better but right now I just hurt.

Getting Started

So this weekend I cleaned up my gym membership and will start going back on Monday, yippee. I also looked in to somethings you should do if you are trying to get pregnant, like taking prenatal vitamins even if your not pregnant yet. I am going to pick some of those up when I go to the store. I feel jazzed about this, I know it's not going to be easy and there will be days that I wish I could just eat what I want but I know I can do this. It's for a baby that's all I have to keep thinking about, baby.

I'm also going to make an appointment with my OB and talk to her about things I should start doing and seeing if there is anything they can do to make this easier. I don't want this to take forever but I know not to get my hopes up with my body this could take years, yuck.