I don't know why I fight so hard, everything does not need to be so hard but I make it that way. My head can honestly make such a simple thing into something so complicated and I don't know how to stop that.
I feel better lately less streesed and more centered which is such a big relief but I know I still have a ways to go. I think I really just want my life to be much less complicated, I think I also wish I understood the people around me better. Like Heather I wonder why she does things, like why does she stay. I can't see that she gets much out of being here, she does not hang around with us much and she is almost always at her parents. I'm not saying I want to push her out the door but I just wonder what is keeping her here. It can't just be Rob because I think more often then not she is just annoyed with him, there has to be something else.
With Rob I wonder what he sees in me, I feel so much like a big conflicted mess of emotions and neediness. I don't want to do so much that I drive him crazy but I don't want to do so little he forgets I love him. It's so nuts and I know I am making is so much more difficult then it needs to be but I can't seem to help myself. Right not I feel like I can't see much good in myself how can he see good in me. I know he loves me and sees a lot of great in me I just have to find away to see that in myself again.
I wish I could be newly in love again exploring all that has to offer. Everything is so uncomplicated and relaxed, you just think about the here and now and when your next going to be able to see that person. Feel their love and taste their passion, there is so little fight involved you just go and feel.
What I have in my life is really good I know that, I do wish that things where not so complicated but honestly that will never happen. What you really have to wish for is that you have the right people around you so that when your life does go to shit they will be there to help you get back up and going again. You want them to know you so you don't have to explain everything and they can just work beside you. You have to wish for a partner that has your back and still loves you even though you have all this messed up crap. It has to be seamless and put together as if it was meant to be, so you can really lean back when your hurting and know that person will know how to bring you back. I love Rob for everything that he does for me, I want him to think more but I know I need to give more too so he will know what he needs to be thinking about. It's time for me to stop fighting so hard and just let myself be me.
I feel better lately less streesed and more centered which is such a big relief but I know I still have a ways to go. I think I really just want my life to be much less complicated, I think I also wish I understood the people around me better. Like Heather I wonder why she does things, like why does she stay. I can't see that she gets much out of being here, she does not hang around with us much and she is almost always at her parents. I'm not saying I want to push her out the door but I just wonder what is keeping her here. It can't just be Rob because I think more often then not she is just annoyed with him, there has to be something else.
With Rob I wonder what he sees in me, I feel so much like a big conflicted mess of emotions and neediness. I don't want to do so much that I drive him crazy but I don't want to do so little he forgets I love him. It's so nuts and I know I am making is so much more difficult then it needs to be but I can't seem to help myself. Right not I feel like I can't see much good in myself how can he see good in me. I know he loves me and sees a lot of great in me I just have to find away to see that in myself again.
I wish I could be newly in love again exploring all that has to offer. Everything is so uncomplicated and relaxed, you just think about the here and now and when your next going to be able to see that person. Feel their love and taste their passion, there is so little fight involved you just go and feel.
What I have in my life is really good I know that, I do wish that things where not so complicated but honestly that will never happen. What you really have to wish for is that you have the right people around you so that when your life does go to shit they will be there to help you get back up and going again. You want them to know you so you don't have to explain everything and they can just work beside you. You have to wish for a partner that has your back and still loves you even though you have all this messed up crap. It has to be seamless and put together as if it was meant to be, so you can really lean back when your hurting and know that person will know how to bring you back. I love Rob for everything that he does for me, I want him to think more but I know I need to give more too so he will know what he needs to be thinking about. It's time for me to stop fighting so hard and just let myself be me.
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