Jealousy

So lately my jealousy and anger have been out of control. It seems to always be burning underneath everything that I say or do with Heather. I don't know what is wrong with me but I have never felt this way not the whole time Rob and I had been fooling around or after we got into our relationship. I find that when Heather asks me a question that seems obvious I want to snip at her, I also find my self thinking mean things after I answer. Last week when I came home at one point the door was locked and the light was off, we usually leave the door unlocked and the light on for anyone not home so it makes it easier for them to get in. Once or twice in the past Rob or I have accidental locked the door or left the light off and Heather has come home and been upset about it. When is has happened I run and get the door for her as quickly as I can because I feel bad and I did not mean to. It has dome to be this big thing like if you are the one locked out we don't care about you or something. I never really minded because I understand things happen but that night I felt different. I watched thought the screen on the door window as I tried to unlock both locks and Heather just sat there watching me do it she never made any move to come and get the door. When I go in she said it was because she thought I was home already and she was sorry. I was a little peeved that she did not help but that was it, then I went up to say hi to Rob and he told me she asked him if I was home and he said no. So it left me wondering if Heather left the door locked on purpose to punish me for the times in the past.

Now there is a huge possibility that it really was an accident and I am making a big deal out of nothing but I can't seem to shake it. I wonder if this is just truly my jealousy rearing it's ugly head or if its more. All the things I have read about poly talk about the fact that jealousy always comes from something, it's not it's own separate emotion but more a mix of many others. I don't know if I'm mad because I want more nights and I feel like I can't ask for them because I am greedy or if it's the fact that Rob planed on telling his family about me before his sisters wedding and Heather told him she thinks that he should wait until after. His sisters wedding is in October, it feels to me like she wants to put it off. I know that all of this stuff could really be just may head making it bigger but it's really just driving me nuts.

I never wanted to hide this relationship forever I want it out and real. It feels like it may just drag on forever, I was so happy that Rob was going to tell his family it was the next step but now I don't think it's going to happen.

I don't know what to feel things are so much better but it still seems like somethings have never changed. I want to sit down and seriously talk about where things are going, like talking to families, babies and nights. I also want to find out how everyone is feeling because I don't think it's really all out there and it needs to be. I want to know if Heather can seriously deal with this or if she has just been gritting her teeth to get thought it. I don't want her unhappy I want this to be good, not perfect mind you but good.