Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Adult


Being an adult can be so hard and yet so simple at the same time. Life in general is hard you have to make hard choices everyday. But in the end the choice is yours which is why it is so hard. When you’re a kid everyone else makes the big choices for you, all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride. Now this is not always easy because some times the people making these choices don't always do the right thing for you.

I find that I make a lot of mistakes in my life, bad choices. I have hurt people I love and myself with these decisions but in the end I have learned from them. Some of the things I have learned the most from are the things that have hurt the most. I love my life and the people in it but I keep doing thing that are bad and could hurt others.

Love, now that's a hard thing. Love is so complicated; you really can't chose who you love. You can chose who you end up with, but you can go on loving someone you may never see again. My first love in my life I still love to this day, its different then when I first loved him but it's there. I don't want to leave my husband or anything because of it but I will always hold that love in my heart, and it will always ache a little for him. Sometimes I wish you could be with more then one person at once but the general populace looks on that badly. As much as I want to not care what other people think you can't help it, you live in this world you have to deal with these people everyday.

Love can be fast and hard, that is how it has mostly been for me. I know when I saw the person I loved them and wanted them. I did everything I could to get them I never wavered, I can be very determined if I have to be. My husband I liked him and I made it clear to him I did, I was only 18 and he was 32 but that did not matter to me. I talked to him and hung around with him, I was the first to touch his hand the first to kiss him. I was always the one taking the first steps making the first move, and I hate it. I want to be grabbed and kissed, I want to not have to make that choice but that seems to be my lot in life. Now love can also come slow and sneaky, coming at you when you least expect it. You can be with a person for years as friends just talking and really enjoying their company and maybe you will even become serious in the sense of intimacy but love is not there. Then one day you look at that person and you realize that you love them, and it digs into you holding you hostage. How could it sneak up on you like that, then you realizes that it has always been there but it was hidden by you. You did not want to love that person for some reason but in the end love won out. It's not always in your best benefit to love this person but you do. Now this has not happened to me but I have so many friends that have had this happen and it usually ends badly not always but usually.

I guess life as a grownup can be a gamble you just have to choose where to stand and make your bets and hope that you made the right decision.

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. I have two friends, Katie and Jeff. They are married, and have a child. They live with another couple, Matt and Kay. Jeff and Kay are lovers, Matt and Katie are lovers, and Kay has at least one other lover besides.

    It's a relationship that works. I think if you're the kind of person who's willing to work on it, and stick to rules, it can work out just fine.

    I am still tuly, madly, deeply in love with one or two from my past. Hell, I still have romantic echoes with people from high school. Eric and I aren't going to break up over it. He knows how I feel, but he also knows I'm committed to him.

    The sneak attack love.. oh, am I intimately familiar with that. It waits behind a corner and then springs on you. That thing always always always happens to me from friends that I've had for a long time. Sometimes I can wait it out and it will go away. Other times it hangs around peskily.

    I know well the craving to just be taken. In the beginning, Eric hunted me with such obsession and passion that I thought I might burn from the inside out. Now, he's content, because he has me. Every now and then I see the look on his face again, but it lies quiet within him. I miss it sometimes.

    I promise, I won't delete the comment anymore. I wish I could edit this, instead of having to re-do it three times.;)

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  4. It's ok I know how hard it can be to get what you write correct. I care about people pretty quickly and sometimes that can hurt me. I try hard not to fall in love but sometimes it happens and then I screw stuff up. This has only happened once so far and I really learned from it.

    The other problem I have is that Dave would never let me be with another man, another women yes but not a man. Sadly his last two wives have ruined that for me, they both cheated on him. As for another women I have not meet one that I care enought about to have in my life forever as a partner.

    I think you and Eric are great you can tell you love each other. You guys fight but you bonce back real quick. I envy your life a little I would love nothing more then to stay home with my kids. But I knew long ago Dave would not be able to get a job where I could do that. Ahh it's ok I will still get to have them thats impotent.

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  5. We're both very lucky to have found each other. I'm even luckier that I can stay home with Griffin, you're right. I'm sorry Dave's history keeps you from that, but maybe it'll work out eventually.

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