Unexpected Romance

I miss the thrill of the new and forbidden. I miss the unexpected romance that would leave me reeling. I miss doing stuff to just do it, in places it should not be done in. I miss being surprised with a afternoon lunch that I did not think could be fit in.

Since last year right around June things have started to die out, truly it's not anyone’s fault. First there was an unexpected distraction then there was a baby being baked then a baby being born. So it was one thing after another and now it feels like we are both to tired or bored to want to go that extra mile. I hate that I said to myself I would never let that happen.

Don't get me wrong it's not like I don't get my fair share it's just not to the extent that it used to be. I know life changes but I was hoping that this part never would. I can deal with the fact that I am no longer the new and untried but I am still fun and willing to play in pretty much anyway, I think that still makes me interesting. I also know that the forbidden is not some much there anymore but that is the one cool thing about Poly things can always be forbidden and secret.

Sometimes I feel like I'm always going to be chasing after trying to still be relevant.

Staying Home

I need to find some way that I can stay home with Ellie. I had a baby so that I could raise her and take care of her. I did not have a baby so I could take care of her on nights and weekends. I know that it's going to be hard to raise her I know that right now it's easy. But I still want to raise her good or bad. She is my baby I want to be the one to see her grow and change. Maybe when she is older I will want to work again, when she is at school. But right now I need to be home, I need too. Being at work just does not fit for me.

I'm sitting here at work and I am thinking "Yes I could do this everyday, leave Ellie with my sister. But do I want to?" It's going to hurt me inside to let this job suck the life out of me and make me leave my Ellie.

I know that we need money, I also know that we need insurance but there has to be someway that we can get this with me working at home.