Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Damnit
Damnit damnit damnit! I am so sick of sleeping alone, that's it that is all the whining I am going to do about this.
Slash That
So slash the two nights thing as soon as I get it, its gone. Rob and Heather are having some problems and as sad as I am about giving up what I've just earned I realize their marriage is more important then a night. I think I am part of their problems but surprisingly enough not the main contributor I think other things are coming out ahead.
I really hope that this can get fixed because I really do like the two of them together, I think they may need counselling but it is so hard to find a Poly friendly one. I'm sad about this but even before Rob told me the night was off for a bit I had decided to tell him to go sleep with Heather. Let the summer relationship drama begin.
Yuck I want things to be happier, I was so hoping that moving to the new place would give us a chance for some peace but I guess not right now. I hope everyone else's summer goes well.
I really hope that this can get fixed because I really do like the two of them together, I think they may need counselling but it is so hard to find a Poly friendly one. I'm sad about this but even before Rob told me the night was off for a bit I had decided to tell him to go sleep with Heather. Let the summer relationship drama begin.
Yuck I want things to be happier, I was so hoping that moving to the new place would give us a chance for some peace but I guess not right now. I hope everyone else's summer goes well.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Update: More Nights
So Heather gave me Thursday I did not even have to ask she just said "Hey I was thinking it's time you got another night how about Thursdays?"
I don't know what to say I was stunned and so happy, things must be going better then I think they are.
Rob and Heather are having some issues but unfortunately I don't know how soon that will be fixed. Rob is resentful that Heather is choosing her family over him, he misses her and is upset that the last 6 years of their marriage she has been taking care of them and now that we have moved away he still never sees her. He wants to really have a marriage with her but it feels like they are just not connecting and he is worried. Rob and I are getting closer but he still loves her and a big part of him wants her to be more a part of our new life.
A lot of this is not Heathers fault her mom is ill and is not really getting better. The Doctors have told them that there is nothing else they can give her, no more drugs or antibiotics she is pretty much on her own. They have even gone so far as to say hospice should be an option that they look into. I don't think she is going to make it much longer, their is really not to much else the doctors can do. One min she gets out of the hospital the next min she is right back in. Heather is over run, over tierd, over stressed, and just plain sad. Sometimes I don't think Rob sees that, Heather does need to spend more time here but until things have been decided about her mother one way or another they are going to be her priority.
Other then the sad stuff things are going pretty well, works not bad rag is coming up and the weather is super super nice!!
I don't know what to say I was stunned and so happy, things must be going better then I think they are.
Rob and Heather are having some issues but unfortunately I don't know how soon that will be fixed. Rob is resentful that Heather is choosing her family over him, he misses her and is upset that the last 6 years of their marriage she has been taking care of them and now that we have moved away he still never sees her. He wants to really have a marriage with her but it feels like they are just not connecting and he is worried. Rob and I are getting closer but he still loves her and a big part of him wants her to be more a part of our new life.
A lot of this is not Heathers fault her mom is ill and is not really getting better. The Doctors have told them that there is nothing else they can give her, no more drugs or antibiotics she is pretty much on her own. They have even gone so far as to say hospice should be an option that they look into. I don't think she is going to make it much longer, their is really not to much else the doctors can do. One min she gets out of the hospital the next min she is right back in. Heather is over run, over tierd, over stressed, and just plain sad. Sometimes I don't think Rob sees that, Heather does need to spend more time here but until things have been decided about her mother one way or another they are going to be her priority.
Other then the sad stuff things are going pretty well, works not bad rag is coming up and the weather is super super nice!!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
More Nights
SO I am ready to start getting some more nights with Rob then just the one night I have right now. This of course means that I have to get up the guts to go up to Heather and ask her if it's OK if I steal her husband from her for another night, thus being the ultimate bad guy. I hate this part of the relationship I just want the Hi I'm stealing your husbands time and love away from you part over. I understand there are going to have to be baby steps here since this is not what Heather wanted in the first place but Ugg every time I have to do it I find myself getting mad.
Sometimes I just want Rob to be the one to ask her not me, not because I don't want the responsibility, well to be fair it is partially that but it's also because I want him to make a stand for me. I feel like if he asks it will be him making a point that he loves me and that he wants to spend more nights with me, right now it just feels like I'm the bad guy. In the sense that when I ask it's like Rob would be oh so happy to sleep with Heather all the time if it weren't for this horrible Chandra girl wanting him all the time. I'm stealing him away, he is not saying I want to be with her, what he is saying by not asking himself (or even voicing this is what he wants to when I ask) is that I am only sleeping with her because she is asking.
I could easily be reading to much into this but it's how I fell and sometimes I just don't know how to voice it. I don't want to be greedy but I try not to go out of my way to ask for more time from him like dates or sleeping with him extra nights, I think I may have asked once or twice but I think that is pretty reasonable. I also don't mean to spend a lot of time with him during the week, Because Rob has voiced an opinion that he misses Heather and that he does not get to spend much time with her. HE is not blaming me for this mind you, the time we get together is more because we share the same hobbies. If Heather would come to dag with us maybe she would get to see him more, but she continues to make excuses for not going instead of just saying I don't like Dag much I may go to some battles but don't expect me a practices. Then maybe Rob and her can try to make arrangements to spend sometime together. Rob is just bad as her when it comes to making time, if he really missed her that much he would find some way to see her. Really the only reason Rob and I spend as much time together is because we both go to dag and I am a pushy girl when it comes to spending time with the people I like.
Don't get me wrong Rob can be romantic and sweet, but the reality is that both he and Heather are hermits they would truly be content to sit in there computer room for hours on end and just be with each other. Which to be honest I would not mind doing with them if it was possible which sadly it is not what with me having no real usable desk or computer in the computer room. Some day I may have said desk and computer but as to when I don't know, right now I am tempted to just tell Rob to take my desk out of there to give him and Heather more room and I will just stick with using my laptop in my bed room or in the living room.
Oh well I am done with the ranting I will now go get ready to beat people with swords and hopeful get the nuts needed to ask Heather for some more time.
Sometimes I just want Rob to be the one to ask her not me, not because I don't want the responsibility, well to be fair it is partially that but it's also because I want him to make a stand for me. I feel like if he asks it will be him making a point that he loves me and that he wants to spend more nights with me, right now it just feels like I'm the bad guy. In the sense that when I ask it's like Rob would be oh so happy to sleep with Heather all the time if it weren't for this horrible Chandra girl wanting him all the time. I'm stealing him away, he is not saying I want to be with her, what he is saying by not asking himself (or even voicing this is what he wants to when I ask) is that I am only sleeping with her because she is asking.
I could easily be reading to much into this but it's how I fell and sometimes I just don't know how to voice it. I don't want to be greedy but I try not to go out of my way to ask for more time from him like dates or sleeping with him extra nights, I think I may have asked once or twice but I think that is pretty reasonable. I also don't mean to spend a lot of time with him during the week, Because Rob has voiced an opinion that he misses Heather and that he does not get to spend much time with her. HE is not blaming me for this mind you, the time we get together is more because we share the same hobbies. If Heather would come to dag with us maybe she would get to see him more, but she continues to make excuses for not going instead of just saying I don't like Dag much I may go to some battles but don't expect me a practices. Then maybe Rob and her can try to make arrangements to spend sometime together. Rob is just bad as her when it comes to making time, if he really missed her that much he would find some way to see her. Really the only reason Rob and I spend as much time together is because we both go to dag and I am a pushy girl when it comes to spending time with the people I like.
Don't get me wrong Rob can be romantic and sweet, but the reality is that both he and Heather are hermits they would truly be content to sit in there computer room for hours on end and just be with each other. Which to be honest I would not mind doing with them if it was possible which sadly it is not what with me having no real usable desk or computer in the computer room. Some day I may have said desk and computer but as to when I don't know, right now I am tempted to just tell Rob to take my desk out of there to give him and Heather more room and I will just stick with using my laptop in my bed room or in the living room.
Oh well I am done with the ranting I will now go get ready to beat people with swords and hopeful get the nuts needed to ask Heather for some more time.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Trifecta Homecoming
We have moved in to our new house and are finally alone, A moment of silence please…..
Ah so peaceful. I am so happy I can not even speak, being in a place all your own really makes a difference. No one to bother us no one to be in the middle throwing off our happy little trifecta grove.
I have a room all my own with a new bed, bed sheets, pillow cases, comforter, bookshelf, end tables, closet system and blanket chest. I took of the ugly closet doors and covered it with some amazing curtain Heather gave me that match my bedspread, the coolest thing about this is that I hung the curtain rod myself drilled holes and everything. It such a small thing but I have never hung a curtain before, it was such a power thing for me. I also put together my closet organizer and the book shelves for our living room, me and building things go together well. Everything is starting to come together, I walk into my clean put together room and I have a true sense of comfort and home.
The neighbors a house down came over on Sunday to drop of some cookies and to introduce themselves they where so cute with there five little kids, it was nice to get a warm welcome.
Having a new place really feels amazing I am going to have to get used to things when Rob and Heather fight because I really get this whole Mom and Dad are fighting feeling. When they fight they tend to let it drag on it’s almost like a battle to so who can hold out the longest before one of them says I’m sorry. For me I can’t be mad for long it truly makes me physical ill, I get horrible headaches and I feel nauseous my body can’t handle the stress of being angry. I like to fix stuff up as soon as I can and move on so we can all be happy again. The nice think is that Rob is willing to admit that both parties in the argument are in the wrong, maybe one more then the other but he always apologizes for his part and means it. With Dave I never got that it was always me apologizing and him looking smug.
This feels like a new chapter in my life, I am taking better care of my self making sure my bills are all paid on time and in full and just glorying in not having to hide how I feel. I think this is going to be good for all of us, there is still a little more unpacking to do but I think that the apartment is going to look great and that our relationship is going to be so much stronger.
Ah so peaceful. I am so happy I can not even speak, being in a place all your own really makes a difference. No one to bother us no one to be in the middle throwing off our happy little trifecta grove.
I have a room all my own with a new bed, bed sheets, pillow cases, comforter, bookshelf, end tables, closet system and blanket chest. I took of the ugly closet doors and covered it with some amazing curtain Heather gave me that match my bedspread, the coolest thing about this is that I hung the curtain rod myself drilled holes and everything. It such a small thing but I have never hung a curtain before, it was such a power thing for me. I also put together my closet organizer and the book shelves for our living room, me and building things go together well. Everything is starting to come together, I walk into my clean put together room and I have a true sense of comfort and home.
The neighbors a house down came over on Sunday to drop of some cookies and to introduce themselves they where so cute with there five little kids, it was nice to get a warm welcome.
Having a new place really feels amazing I am going to have to get used to things when Rob and Heather fight because I really get this whole Mom and Dad are fighting feeling. When they fight they tend to let it drag on it’s almost like a battle to so who can hold out the longest before one of them says I’m sorry. For me I can’t be mad for long it truly makes me physical ill, I get horrible headaches and I feel nauseous my body can’t handle the stress of being angry. I like to fix stuff up as soon as I can and move on so we can all be happy again. The nice think is that Rob is willing to admit that both parties in the argument are in the wrong, maybe one more then the other but he always apologizes for his part and means it. With Dave I never got that it was always me apologizing and him looking smug.
This feels like a new chapter in my life, I am taking better care of my self making sure my bills are all paid on time and in full and just glorying in not having to hide how I feel. I think this is going to be good for all of us, there is still a little more unpacking to do but I think that the apartment is going to look great and that our relationship is going to be so much stronger.
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