Commitment Ceremony

Rob and I had our commitment ceremony on August 29th, it was beautiful.  We had talked about it for months and we finally decided that we did not want to have a lot of people there.  We decided that we wanted it to be us, Rob and I.  We wrote vows and we shared them with each other.  Our friend took some pictures from far away so that we still would have privacy but we would have memories, she also very kindly watched Ellie for us as well.  It really was everything I could want, I love having an aniversery now something we can share

togeather.  Rob is all I could ever want, living with Him, ellie, and Heather is all I want in my life.

My Ellie

Ellie is growing up so fast it's hard for me to see her getting bigger and not being my sweet little tiny girl. I love that she is growing at the same time because now she moves and wiggles and smiles. She is sitting next to me right now in her wiggle chair, trying to grab her toes and sucking on her lower lip.

I can't wait to watch her change and learn, being with her is some of the happiest hours I have had in my life. At first Heather was not so interested in her but now that she is so cute and talkative she has really started to take a liking to her. I have actually went out to exercise and hang out with friends and Heather has been happy to help Rob watch her.

Just thinking about all the milestones that are going to happen in her life and that I am going to be apart of them makes me smile. She is yelling at the top her lungs now, she is not mad or anything she just loves using her voice. Silly cute baby girl.

Killin Time

Nice calm weekend just killen time, hanging with my baby girl the Ellie, Rob and Heather. I have three days next week to chill out then back to work training and getting ready for the next class.

I wish that I felt more confidant with my ability to train. I know that when I get in front of the room I can do it, its really the planing portion that gets me. It does not help that my fellow OJT coach is so fast about getting everything done, she takes over before we have even had a chance to start thinking about what we need to do. I want the chance to prove that I can do this job, so next time we get a chance I am just going to do it and not ask her for anything.

Had some nice time today playing Minecraft, I really love this game it's so much fun. I can build a cave hide out or I can raise a fortress high into the night, then I can kill zombies and dig up Iron ore all in the same day. Awesome game if you have not played it yet you should try it now.

Post Secret

So a friend at work pointed out this blog to me, Post Secret. I don't know what to say about it, I know I love it but I also feel a sense of dread looking at it as well. People send postcards with a secret on it to the blog author and he picks some to post to his blog every Sunday. Reading the postcards make me feel like I am being let in to a private world. They also make me scared, I can't even figure out why.

They seem to help so many people find peace or at least some understanding. For me they make me think of what I would send, I have secrets but I have not hidden many of them. Most I have told my twin sister others I have shared with my boyfriend. I don't know if it's right for me to send one, do my secrets really count.

Reading them truly gets my emotions going, happy and sad. Knowing that people are mailing these out into the world to be possible read by everyone is amazing.

When I write this blog and talk about how I feel about being Poly is my way of sharing my secrets. I need this as much as everyone else needs Post secret.

Beautiful Girl

My baby is so wonderful she makes me so happy to be a mother. She wakes up each morning with a smile for me, its a smile that makes you smile back. I dream of the day she finally starts talking, she can talk my ear off if she wants I don't care. I want to know her likes and dislikes, I want to hear all the silly little things that brighten her day.

I love my Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful Ellie!

Being Poly

I don't know what being Poly is, for the last three years I thought I knew. I wanted poly to be Rob and I in a relationship with another women who loved us both. One who wanted to spend the day and night with both of us equally. I wanted that to be us, a happy loving trio snuggling on a bed together.

Realistically that is not what poly is for us, Poly for us is two women sharing a man. Heather and I have nothing to do with each other, we are friends and that is about it. I would love to say we are like sisters at least but we are not, we are just comfortable friends. In someways this is not bad but I dreamed of so much more, Heather will never be that snuggling girl for me. I have come to except this about our life, I don't think we will ever find a girl who can be that for both of us.