Death has always been a hard thing for me; I don't understand it when it comes to dealing with it. Many of my friends and family have lost someone they care for and to be honest I don't know how to help them. I have yet to lose someone I was close to since I have been old enough to understand lose. When I was young my Great Grandmother died and thought I loved her very much I was not upset. At the time I was too young to understand the totality of lose and what it meant, to me she was sick for so long and now she was not. It was that simple I loved her but she was still in my mind forever, and in the traditions my family holds to her. Now as I have gone older lose holds so much more for me, the feelings one builds for someone embed themselves deeper. As a child things come and go in your life and you watch them with little concern as an adult that changes, things are more important.
What I worry about is that some day some one I love will die and I don't know what I will do or how I will act. Will I go thought it as cool as when I was a child or will it eat at me and strip away the shields I build around my emotions? I'm scared I have become desensitized by time and will not feel it or walk around in a fog trying to pretend it did not happen. Death is part of life I have always looked at it that way and I don't want to stress over it and the people who have to leave.
Recently a friend of mine had a loved one die in her life and it got me to thinking about this subject. I talked to my husband about what I wanted if something where to happen to me and what he wanted in return. In this sense we think the same way if we are in a vegetative state we don't want our loved ones to hold on to us we want them to be able to let us go. So for me I would want the plug pulled, if there was no brain activity. Even if somehow 30 years later I could wake up who wants that, to wake up so much later and for my family to hold on to me for so long. I'm very relaxed about life I don't want to die but I know that someday I will and I don't want to miss out on stuff because I am scared that I might die. So I will be jumping out of planes with a parachute, bungee jumping, rock climbing, or just plain riding in a big boot across the ocean or in a plane across the country. I don't want to miss out on life and all the joys and fears that come with it.
What I worry about is that some day some one I love will die and I don't know what I will do or how I will act. Will I go thought it as cool as when I was a child or will it eat at me and strip away the shields I build around my emotions? I'm scared I have become desensitized by time and will not feel it or walk around in a fog trying to pretend it did not happen. Death is part of life I have always looked at it that way and I don't want to stress over it and the people who have to leave.
Recently a friend of mine had a loved one die in her life and it got me to thinking about this subject. I talked to my husband about what I wanted if something where to happen to me and what he wanted in return. In this sense we think the same way if we are in a vegetative state we don't want our loved ones to hold on to us we want them to be able to let us go. So for me I would want the plug pulled, if there was no brain activity. Even if somehow 30 years later I could wake up who wants that, to wake up so much later and for my family to hold on to me for so long. I'm very relaxed about life I don't want to die but I know that someday I will and I don't want to miss out on stuff because I am scared that I might die. So I will be jumping out of planes with a parachute, bungee jumping, rock climbing, or just plain riding in a big boot across the ocean or in a plane across the country. I don't want to miss out on life and all the joys and fears that come with it.
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