So right now Rob and Heather are not talking to each other, actually its more so Rob is not talking to Heather. This has been going on for 2 weeks so far. I don't talk about this on the blogger at all normally but I know mostly my friends read this and they wont say anything to any one involved.
Heather has been having trouble with credit cards for a long time, and this has been causing problems with Rob and Heather off and on in their relationship. I'm pretty sure that she learned her habits from her parents, most of her sisters have the same credit card issues. Rob and Heather have dealt with her past very large credit card debt by consolidating it on a loan with her credit union, the only problem is that a credit card is attached to that account. Rob cut up the card with her name on it and had his card locked away. Heather still has one personal credit card that she is allowed to have with a very low limit.
Well this winter we all decided to us the card to get some repairs on her car that where much needed and to buy a new projector as a group present, that was all the card was supposed to be used for. So about two weeks ago Rob went and looked at the credit card statement and found at that Heather had been using the card from the moment they took it out of hiding. She bought a few large purchases and then lots of little purchases thru the month of November and December. Rob was so so mad, he found out that the bank mailed her a new card with her name on it because the card had expired and that was what she was using. This has happened before, where she has used the card and should not have been, but it had been awhile a go so Rob had thought that she was getting better. The night that he tried to talk to her about it she told him that she gotten cared away because of Christmas but since December she has stopped using it. Then her phone rang upstairs and she left to go answer it instead of staying down stairs to talk to Rob. Since then he will not talk to her, he is waiting for her to come to him and talk about the card. She talks to him but will not bring up the card, so he does not talk back. Now the new month has come and the credit card statement was received but has disappeared, Rob can not find it.
All of this has created a very unhappy feeling in the house most of the time. I keep trying to tell Rob he should talk to Heather but he is too mad, Heather says she has tried but Rob wont talk back. Now I am worried that Heather is going to leave if things don't get cleared up soon. This is all on top of the fact that we are looking at houses and even about to make an offer on one. I don't know what is going to happen I wish that they would just talk to each other.
Yikes. A similar thing happened in my home, and I took over the bill-paying in order to call a "truce." Once that happened, the stress increased for me (because I was in charge of knowing how much money we really didn't have), but things drastically improved for everyone's finances.
ReplyDeleteIf there are credit issues, buying a house should be taken off the table (I know it's dissappointing!). And it sounds like Heather may be using retail therapy to treat some unhappiness in her life.
There are things she can do besides use a credit card -- like put money down on a gift card at her favorite clothing store (that limits the amount she can spend on clothing each month), or putting cash into envelopes with labels for the things she wants to buy (and she is only allowed to use the amount in the envelopes for that specific purchase). These are all behavior changes that can be very difficult, though.
I hope that Rob can let his anger go so he can help Heather, because he needs to help her find out why she feels the need to impulse buy. You all three could work together to help whatever it is that's creating this problem. Easier said than done (trust me, it took me 2 years to iron the problem out in my home).
Good luck hon!
The credit problems are under control because Rob has really tried to work with Heather to keep them under control. Heathers last credit card binge was over a year ago so we thought it was under control, but this shows otherwise. It just shows that we can’t give Heather access to the card.
ReplyDeleteThis has been something she has been doing since she was old enough to have a credit card, it’s a learned habit from her parents since they used them very heavily as well. She just thinks this is how you do things, whereas Rob is the opposite. He has never had a credit card and he never wants one if he can avoid it. He hates them.
Rob and Heather are talking more and hopefully they will get this behind them soon.
I'm glad to hear they're talking!
ReplyDelete