Holiday Season

So things are going along ok, I've moved upstairs into Heathers parents room and the house is finally empty of all but the three of us.

Yesterday my mother told me something that made me very sad, I had called her to say hello and I was telling her about Rob and Heather going to his works Christmas dinner and that's when she said it. She told me that she really liked Heather and Rob but she was still holding out hope that someone would come along and take me away from all of that. She wanted for me to find someone who could love me without having to worry about sharing and keeping secrets from others. The biggest thing she wanted was for me to be able to have babies without having to hide who they belonged to mainly having to raise on my own. This hurt because I always thought she was so behind me in all of this only wanting for me to be happy, but once I though about it for a bit I realized her point of view. She really just wants me to be happy, and she hears a lot about the hard stuff I have to deal with in this relationship, she hears about the good stuff too but she worries more about the bad. I think the worst part is that I have thought these things myself sometimes. Sometimes I am so tired of hiding who we are, I never really thought in the beginning how much I was really going to have to hide in this life. Then just thinking about how I am going to have to raise my child kills me to, as much as I would love to give my child Rob's last name there is no way I can. I don't think we are ever going to tell Heather's parents about what is going on so if I suddenly had a baby and gave him Rob's last name that would be a pretty clear sigh. As much as I know that she only wants the best for me, it still hurt me.

I think I will post more on this post a little later in the month.