So things are coming up pretty fast and I am surprised how nervous I am. Heather's parents are leaving on the 2nd of December and when they do I am going to be moving into their bed room. Which is good in a lot of ways it will get me off the couch and out of the scary basement. For the last couple of nights I have had a very hard time sleeping, it's very very dark when the lights are out and sadly I am very scared of the dark. My imagination is good I can very easily picture all the dark and scary things in the basement waiting to get me. Most nights I can block it out make my mind think sanely but from time to time no amount of me telling myself nothing is there will do it, like now. So coming up stairs will really help that.
Of course the next nice thing will be that it will be time to talk about sleep arrangements and really start to get things going with this relationship. Of course what comes with a two people sleeping together who are not relatives, snuggles, spooning, sleeping and oh of course sex. The big sex word and the big talk that is going to go along with it. I am going to the doctor in a few days to get blood work done which should help settle things then we should have a yellow light. We are still going to have to do a tiny bit more for the green but I am hoping that it will go as smoothly as it can considering. I want more then anything for this not to hurt anyone but I know this is not going to be clean and nice we are going to have to get over some major hurdles but I know we can do it I know we can.
Time is quickly marching along soon I think I can have this Divorce done and then I am free to truly just be. We will still have to work with everyones families which is going to be a little weird. Mine is easy they know and even thought they were a little confused at first they really just want me to be happy, the only funny thing I got was my dads comment "Why does he get to have his cake and eat it to...... WITH my daughter." It was great.
Then we will have to tell his family, I think it will be a shock to them but I am hoping from what he said that it will be ok eventually. As for her I don't know I don't think her family will ever understand, maybe one or two members but on the whole I fear bad bad things. I don't know if we are ever going to tell them I don't want her to lose her family she really loves them so much, she needs them in her life. Ah the choices that must be made in ones life, hard and not always as clearcut as we would like them to be.
For right now I am just going to be happy that moving day is coming up and that I will finally get to sleep in a real bed hopefully with a warm happy body next to me, not every night mind you but one or two right now is very much fine with me.
I hope this works for you. I'm really hoping, really really hoping. We should meet again!
ReplyDeleteMake sure you touch base with her often, particularly at the beginning. The worst thing that can happen is that feelings get buried and fester. Everyone needs to remember that feelings aren't rational, that they don't necessarily adhere to your conscious attitudes or decisions, and they they aren't fair. Nonetheless, they need to be addressed and with jealousy I've found that just voicing them takes a lot of their weight away.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much to the both of you. I have found the hardest thing in all of this is trying to talk to her. I know it will make things better and I am trying but it's hard. I really want to hang with you guys again maybe next week sometime when we are not so busy with the holiday.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, we'd love to have you over.
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