Curse

So I realize that I am not being fair in all of this, I want us all to be happy and yet I get all dramatic when one of us is less then thrilled. I just really did not want to be in this place right now, I wanted things to stay good we had final gotten over all the big money crap. Yuck. My family jokes about this curse we have, we call it the Benoit curse it’s named after my mother’s father side of the family. The joke is that where every one of us (one of us being my direct family) goes the curse follows bringing bad things in it’s wake. We joke about it because we know bad stuff happens all the time and that it’s no fault of ours but right now it really feels like it is my fault. I come in to their perfectly put together life, they have a great setup they are starting to save money and think about buying a house all those things a couple does. Then I give them all new bills to deal with, jealousy, stress and it feels like I really just cause ruin.

Rob keeps telling me that it’s just the fact that this is like a new relationship and that during the start of all relationships you always have to go thru this stuff. I just can’t seem to get past the fact that I am just a big chore. I’m not leaving I just won’t, I just hate that it has to be this hard. I really picked a hard relationship to be in, I could have gone with a couple who was already into this kind off thing sharing and all that but NOOOOO I had to choose someone who’s wife can’t even comprehend kissing someone else let alone loving someone else. I know I whine but I love Rob I really don’t want another couple, even if this is hard. I hope things get better I don’t want to be waiting forever, I want this to be a till the end of our days thing so I hope Heather can decide if that is what she wants to because I really don’t want to go anywhere.

I have to chill a little, we have not even been at this for a year yet and I expect perfection. Most relationships don’t even get serious until a year has gone by, I have to remember that things may have been going on longer with Rob and I but Heather has really only be dealing with this since July. Well this little Pony is just going to raine herself in and let life come, we will get there we just need to take a little more time walking not running.