I finally realize that you can’t truly change a person, as much as you would like to think that you will be the one to change them you are WRONG. Even if you don’t actively think you are trying you are somewhere deep inside, more the fool you are then.
I can’t change myself and I hate worrying about other people and hiding from other people. I really want to live a full Poly life, completely. Being able to tell people when I want and to not tell other people when I don’t want. We are in a closed poly relationship no one is allowed in but the three of us but that is mainly because of Heather. If she was not in this relationship that would not be true, I’m half in and half out. I can’t believe I got myself into this, I am such a fool. I love Rob really truly but I’m rasping against our bonds.
I am so happy, but I feel like shadows are on the horizon. We still need to deal with families, babies, and I eventual want more nights. I want to be even with Heather not just two nights a week. I know she needs time and we will be together forever, but in some ways I just want to get it all out of the way so that we don’t have to wait for when things will crumble we can know now.
Nothing major is happening in our lives yet but I suddenly started thinking of these things, hope my mind shuts of soon really really soon.
Before now I really thought things would work out with all of us but I am not so sure now. I loved having Rob with me for all of Rag, I don't want him completly just more evenly it sucks going back to two nights a week. Rob and Heather are shaky more so then I ever though I don't know if they can truely do this togeather. I can't be selfish they need time to build up their bonds again but how stong will they be and what will cause them to come tumbling down again.
I am in a dark mode a lot of this is just noise not real issues, just a way for me to vent. Yuck.
Here are my thoughts. I stress this, and I hope it helps; Everyone needs to make a distinct and ongoing effort to pay attention to everyone else. This can't do the same thing a duo kind of relationship can..you can't rest and let life flow over you.
ReplyDeleteRob and Heather are shaky because the foundation of this relationship wasn't that great.. so the energy put into making each other happy needs to be proportionally greater. Whether or not Rob and Heather want to put that energy in is debatable.. but you should too. If you always have in the back of your head 'What can I do for Heather to make her happy?', and doing them.. even small things. Extra chores for instance, or saying something nice, or taking a job or burden off her.. you might find the atmosphere lifting. I know.. the thought is 'well, what is she doing for me?'. The consideration back part will come in time.. she is that kind of person. If you make a monumental effort to do things for her without asking for anything in return, you are going to lubricate things between her and Rob, I garantee it.
It sounds like you feel that you are her rival.. and you aren't her rival. Prove that to her.
This can work, it really can.