Birthday

So today is my birthday and it was really great, I hung out with some of my friends and my loves and they made me feel so happy. Heather got me a normal ice cream cake and a pumpkin pie ice cream cake, it was amazing it tasted just like pumpkin pie it was heavenly. I also got some very nice gifts from everyone I was so surprised by how nice they all where, it was the best birthday I have had for a while.

Now to the dumbness, when the night started to move on I started to think about how badly I wanted to go to bed with my love but of course I could not. I just started to get sad I was trying really hard not to it was such a nice day but I was failing pretty bad. There are good reasons I can't be with the one I love but it does not mean that I don't want it, I really just want to stop winning about it. So after everyone went to bed I found my self sobbing uncontrollably which ether makes me feel a whole lot better or a whole lot worse. This time I just felt kind of quite almost accepting, I also felt like writing. All this trying on my part to stop getting so upset about this stuff, trying to look at the good and what I do have it's just not enough. Sometimes I just have to cry it's the only way I can truly let myself feel sometimes and I need to let myself, I used to hold it all in then like once a month my sister and I would argue for like an hour. We would cry and ramble and yell at one another but by the end we would just feel so much happier and like we had gotten every thing out and fixed.

As much as I hate crying especially sobbing I see the point in it, and all in all this day was an amazing day. SOOO I am going to let things go, take a breath and go to bed, things will be brighter in the morning I know it and I will have nice dreams about the day I had.