Secrets

I have a secret, a happy one that I am dying to tell people. I am not supposed to tell anyone but I will tell you guys because I know you can keep a secret. I just found out a few days ago that my twin sister Sara is pregnant. I am sooooooo happy for her; she and her husband have been trying for three years. They where so surprised because Sara was feeling very tired and emotional and she did not know what was going on. When my sister and I where 17 she got very sick and lost the function of both of her kidneys. When we where 19 I gave her one of my kidneys, she has been fairly healthy since then, but when she started to fell funny about a week ago she was worried. Her husband told her to take the pregnancy test, at first she did not want to because she has taken so many in the past and they have always come back negative. This one did not, one more home test and a doctor’s test and she was finally sure enough to tell us all.

I can not even tell you how happy I am for her; she is my twin a piece of my soul and heart is always with her. But I find myself being jealous of her and I hate myself for it. I want so badly to have children and right now my husband wants me to wait for health reasons but I can't help thinking that maybe he just does not want any. I wish things where easier that I could just be happy for her with out this small amount of guilt. I am happy that I at least got to tell some of you how I feel and the good news. Thanks for listening.