Being There

Well things are getting better, slowly and with a lot of talking but they are getting better. I never know in my life that I would have to talk so much but it seems that for some things in life you just have to, to make them work. A lot of stuff is going on in my life right now and at some point I will talk about it but right now it is going to have to wait.

The main thing is that my mind is better settled at this point. My husband and I are definitely going through with the divorce and finding our own places to live. Figuring out where I am going to live is going to be a little hard because I want to keep the car which means my rent is going to have to be somewhat cheep. I think things are going to be OK thought I have a lot of people who are here for me right now and that is making this so much easier.

My sister is a very important friend to me right no, letting me stay at her place and helping me when I need to talk. Being with her and my amazing beautiful niece has also helped me keep a smile on my face no matter what is going on in my life. She has been a great person to laugh with my whole life and with out her I thing I would be in a much worse place.

Then I have my friends which have surprised me beyond what I could ever imagine one more then most because in a lot of this I have hurt her the worst. I always know how I felt about her friendship to me but I never truly knew how she felt about me and now I do and it has really given me a lot to think about. I know that this has been hard on her and sometimes all I can think about is what I did and how can I even think of asking her forgiveness but she gave it to me and is still willing to be my friend. I really do love her so much I hope that she understands that and that the trust she has given me will not be misplaced.

Of course there are the other friends in my life, one big one who happens to be the only one who reads this damn thing. She has been so helpful in her words and even just listening to me whine and complain about all this shit. I hope that she knows how much she means to me too. She has been a true friend when I really did not deserve one. Thank You!

Last my heart, know that I can not be without you and that all of this would be easier if I did not have you but I would never chose to be that way. Without you beating for me, and making me feel the way I do my life would be empty. Thank you for making me feel even thought I did not want to and I promise I will not run away from you. I will stand my ground and I will hold on to the dream you have given me for a better life and now I know it will come true. With you always there to give me the love, hope and strength in my life that I need I know that my life will be better. Thanks for not giving up on me and leaving no matter how hard it got.

Lot's of love to everyone who has been there for me during this crappy time. Hopeful all of the entries after this would be more on the up and up but no promises.