Empty

I feel empty for some reason, I have a lot of reasons it could be but I really don't know which reason it could be. I'm trying really hard to not be down I don't like being down I like being happy and full of energy. But I feel like I have lost something in that sense like some amount of my life is being sucked out of me.

I have to give up something I really enjoy and I don't want to, I feel like there is no point because I am never going to get it back. I think the rule will always be in place because things will never be good enough for it to go away. I know that there is a point to this and that I am letting my sadness get the better of me but right now I really can't find it in me to care.

I'm really sick of crying I feel like that's all I do some times, my emotions are so up and down right now. I wonder if I need to talk to someone who can help me but I really don't have the money to pay for something like that. I can't help but think I am going to do this and then it will not make a difference I will still lose in the end.

I hate this so much I am not this person I just want to be myself again, I don't want to lose everything including myself.