God feelings are all I am dealing with right now in some ways it's wonderful in others it's craptaculer. I am so happy my heart could burst everything seems so right as if this is how it should be but at the same time I am also dealing with some pretty deep crap too.
You know I don't know why I bother writing in this anymore no one reads it anyway's and I am to afraid someone will read it that I don't want so I can't really say what I want. My life has so much going on right now and I would like to write about it, writing makes me feel so much better. Letting my thoughts, fears, and just general feelings spill out on this page really does help me get everything straight.
Like right now I am mad, its for a bad reason but I am so mad. I want something and I can't have it because someone else seems to be playing the waiting game, how long can you go. It's wrong of me to be so mad, really wrong but I don't want to lie I am just seething. Its all some game that I just don't want to play but I'm playing anyways because I have no choice, I have to because most of the time I am so so happy with this choice.
I was so happy earlier today, just sitting on the bench of the park. I wanted so bad to be able to stay there all night but I could not, I had places to go and people to see. I had fun don't get me wrong but if I had my choice I would have stayed on that park bench all night just enjoying myself and getting lost in the moment. Now I really just want to scream "GO ALREADY, JUST FUCKING GO!!!!!" You know what, I give up you win goodnight....... I am so mean I should not be but right now I just don't fucking give a shit.
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