Steps

I feel like I am starting to take steps in the right direction and it's really giving me a true sense of hope.

Today I gave my cats to my brother, this very much makes me sad but I know that he will love them and make sure they are taken care of. I knew after I told Dave I was leaving that he would not keep them but I was always hoping he would so they could be with one of their parents. I wish so much that I could take them but I can't because I am moving in with a friend who is very allergic to them. I have to be willing to give up something I truly love in this sense so that I can have something great.

I know I am doing better that my emotions are starting to settle and that makes me sooooo happy I hate being all emotional. I do wish parts of my life where easier mainly because I am just so tired and want things to be smother but hard just seems to be the way life is.

My biggest issue right now is really just loneliness at night, I need something to sleep with anything to just hold. I once saw a big pillow shaped like a kitty and I wanted it so bad but I did not get it, I truly wish that I had it would be so nice to just snuggle up with that at night. It's getting so hard for me to sleep at night, at my sisters house I sleep like 4 to 5 hours then when her husband goes to work I crawl into bed with her and sleep for another hour maybe. At my friends I sleep a little better but I still wake up at night sometimes and have to read something or play one of my video games because I just can't sleep, plus it's a little scary sometimes. I don't like to whine because it's a stupid fear but I'm afraid of the dark and here I am sleeping in a basement which can get pretty dark and scary. It's childish but when I have a stuffed animal I tend to feel safer, they seem to just give you a sense of not being alone.

Oh well maybe I can find one at some point but I have more important things to spend my money on then a stuffed cat that I can snuggle with because I am a big sissy.