So this is just a rant so don't take it too seriously, this goes for me as well. So I feel left out it's dumb I know but I still do. I don't get sex, I don't get sleep, and I don’t get to go places. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I have to work and that my schedule sucks so I don't get to go places a lot. The sex well that is pretty self explanatory and the sleep well that's just because I have no real place yet but so that will change.
So I went bike riding on Thursday it was really nice I had such a good time but I felt sad in some way’s I really wanted to go with someone. I stopped at a grave yard near my friend’s house on my way back with my bike and it was so peaceful walking among the grave stones. There where some really old ones there that you could barely read the writing on them. I loved it, I know it's a little creepy but I have always wanted to have a Picnic at a grave yard it's so peaceful and calm. I guess I was just looking at the stones and I just wished I could have been doing it with some one else. Silly I know I have to start getting used to being alone at times, I used to be really good at it but now it's like I don't know what to do.
I am happy with myself I like who I am and the things that I like I need to start looking inwards and finding ways of spending my time on my own. I think I am going to ride my bike more often and maybe take some walks too, I have also stopped reading books pretty much it's time for me to get back on that wagon. See this is me looking at the bright side and seeing what is good in my life, it's funny that silly little list has really helped me.
Oh I had a nice dream last night it really made me so happy. I dreamt it was my birthday and I was working when all of a sudden one of my co-workers came in with some purple roses and a stuffed Lama, she said they where for me. I got all excited and started to leave work when my boyfriend (could not see his face sadly) showed up and whisked me away in his car. He took me to dinner and then we went to the park and sat on a blanket and looked at the stars because it was night by then. I woke up as we started to walk back to the car it was just so romantic and it made me so happy.
All in all I am doing ok other then my earlier rant, I'm happy and I am taking everyday as it's comes.
It sounds like you've given up too much of yourself to something that isn't making you at all happy.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot to say, but probably this isn't the forum for it. When I see you in person, then.
Hang in there.
Look, have you ever been to Forest Lawn cemetary? It's beautiful, and peaceful, and always helps me center myself.