So much has happened lately and it really has made me think about how I am feeling about everything in my life. I feel like I have lost myself somewhere in the last year or two, I don't know who I am. At work I do a job just so I can make money, I have no idea what I am going to be doing in 10 years I have no ambition. I tried to think of what my career goals are and I have none, there is nothing that I dream of doing. I used to think I wanted to train but now I see how stressed out and unhappy our trainers are and I just don't think I want that.
At home I just feel lost and rundown. I started taking singing lessons and for awhile it really made me feel good but I realized I was never going to do anything with it, I was not going to join a choir, do a play or sing with a group. I had no drive to do anything, I am to scared and make excuses as to why I can't make the time. I feel like a big empty space right now. I get to leave the house to hang out with friends maybe twice a month and I honestly have no drive to push for more time. I'm so trapped and its my own doing I have given up trying to get out.
I watch other people experiencing life and I am so envious of them, I want the freedom to do what they do. Most of all I wish that I could be selfish and not care what will happen to the people around me if I make a bad choice and just do something that will make me happy. I would love to throw my worries and responsibilities out the window and just follow a fun fling so that I feel special damn the consequences. But I am not going to do any of those things I am going to sit and cry and just feel worthless.
I need to stop feeling and acting like a teenage and act my age. Choose my goals, find my friends again and not lean so heavily on the one think in my life that I thought was the most important. I need to figure out what I want and then kick myself in the ass.
At home I just feel lost and rundown. I started taking singing lessons and for awhile it really made me feel good but I realized I was never going to do anything with it, I was not going to join a choir, do a play or sing with a group. I had no drive to do anything, I am to scared and make excuses as to why I can't make the time. I feel like a big empty space right now. I get to leave the house to hang out with friends maybe twice a month and I honestly have no drive to push for more time. I'm so trapped and its my own doing I have given up trying to get out.
I watch other people experiencing life and I am so envious of them, I want the freedom to do what they do. Most of all I wish that I could be selfish and not care what will happen to the people around me if I make a bad choice and just do something that will make me happy. I would love to throw my worries and responsibilities out the window and just follow a fun fling so that I feel special damn the consequences. But I am not going to do any of those things I am going to sit and cry and just feel worthless.
I need to stop feeling and acting like a teenage and act my age. Choose my goals, find my friends again and not lean so heavily on the one think in my life that I thought was the most important. I need to figure out what I want and then kick myself in the ass.
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