Truth For Myself

So much has been beating down on me and I have been just letting it happen, I have let it steam roll me. I need to stand up and say how I feel and take control of my speeding car of a life. I love Rob with all of my heart but I need to be honest with him, we need to sit down and figure out where our life is going and how to get there happily. I need him to be more honest with me and I need to be more honest with him otherwise we are going to lose in this relationship game. I don’t want to lose what we have, the openness and the freedom of how we talk to each other. My heart would break if we had to separate but I am no longer going to sacrifice my happiness and my self worth to save it. If I don’t speak for myself I will just become a shadow of myself here with Rob but not really a person. I have been fading away lately and I have not liked how that has been feeling I am not ready to let this happen to myself.

I need to loss weight I am sick of being this fat girl, sick of being slow and out of breath. I need to care about myself and the people around me and actually make an effort to get this weight off of me. I have a lovely body and a beautiful face I’m sick of hiding it beneath all this fat. Truly that is what I am doing too; I’m hiding it because for some reason I feel like I deserve to be like this. I need to see myself as worthy to be thin and healthy; I want to feel like a real person.

I am going to change and our relationship is going to change, I know that this might not be easy but we need to become better. I need to make myself into the best person I can be. I need to except what I have and make it better, stop being sad about it and show what I can do with what it. If I can do this I know that I can be happy and that I can shine again, I can be the happy person I was and make all the people around me a little happier because of it.